At this point i just really don’t know what to do anymore… it’s been five months since it’s ended and I still cry for him every night… I don’t think I will ever get over him. He is still the First person I think of When I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep.  He’s the one I want to tell everything to. I want to be able to Run to him when I’m happy. I want to be able to curl up under his arm when I’m sad or scared. He is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with…

and how all my stories end, he doesn’t want me…

My prom is on the 27th I’m excited but I’m scared. memories and feeling still continue to haunt me. He is the last thing I think of and the First thing i think of in the morning. The guy taking me to prom is a friend, as in Friend zone . he’s really sweet but he’s not what i want. I’m scared because this is my first prom and i think my thoughts are going to get the best me. I think by the end of the night i will have cried.

UHG!! I feel like a terrible person! I totally and admittedly Stalk my ex’s Facebook T^T he has like 7 new friends and like 6 of them are all single women who live in the area, i eliminated one because she has a kid already and i Assume he doesn’t want to deal with that. but the others look relatively fine.. i guess. why can’t i move on? He seems to be doing fine without me, so i might smoke now or T-T i’ll go cry in a corner… 

Ever since my boyfriend and i broke up I’ve been thinking about him constantly. My leg looks like a chopping block because i can’t stop thinking about him. And then i talk to him all i want to do is question him on why he left me.

I hate not knowing whats going on with him. I’m so scared something is going to happen to him. Like the last time i talked to him he had been in a car accident that had happened three weeks before that i had no idea about. He always did reckless things when we were together and not that we aren’t together i cant keep him from doing those reckless things and it kills me. I love him so much. all i want to do is keep him safe and healthy and happy. When we were together i tried keeping him safe and healthy and happy, but apparently wasn’t making him happy …

i feel so worthless without him. I have dreams of him and the friend he cheated on me with all the time and it kills me. I can’t escape him when I’m awake and I can’t escape him when I’m asleep. it’s torture. At this point I Just want my life to be over . And not to mention since we broke up I’ve been put anti depressants and am getting sent to counseling. 

I’ve always been suicidal, but having him gave me a reason to stay. So Without him here I’ve been put on the edge and I’m afraid if he doesn’t pull me from it soon, I might just go over it……..